When I looked up the definition of forgiveness, Google came up with a lot of things. But what got me most was the use of the word ‘victim’ in the definition. I don’t think that anyone who is willing to forgive another human being for the wrongs they have committed should be classed as a victim.
The word ‘victim’ brings with it negative connotations. I believe the forgiver is a better person than the person that commits the wrong. In my life, there have been incidents where if I did not rise up as the stronger person, I would never have achieved a state of absolute peace and forgiveness.
Plenty of people are wronged every day. And this post isn’t about that. It’s all about the positives associated with forgiveness.
Forgiveness is defined as ” the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.” according to Google.
There are so many different kinds of forgiveness; forgiveness can be sought after from God, from other human beings or from your own self.
Self-love is something that I find crucial as a pillar of forgiveness, a stepping stone if you will. Once you have self-love, it is easier to give others and yourself at times, the benefit of the doubt, so that they no longer take up a large amount of your headspace, and so that you as a person can move on.
taking the knife out of your own back
and not using it
to hurt anyone else
no matter how
they hurt you”
This quote from RAW really sums it up for me, and maybe for you too.
If you think about all the times that a friend has stabbed you in the back and multiply it by the amount of time you’ve spent thinking about it, tossing and turning in your bed and losing valuable sleep, you might just have written a book by now.
I’ve found that meditation can be a great healer, a real path to forgiving another person through the lens of God’s eyes. If we look at someone from the perspective that God sees them, a fellow human being with a beating heart and vices just like we have, our hearts begin to soften and we realise that there is an inkling of good in all souls.
My mother taught me how to see others through God’s eyes. I know it might seem corny to you, but it really works. I find peace in the fact that there is good in everyone, no matter who they are and what crimes they have committed.
I’ve taught my soul and my brain to work together in that sense. My soul forgives and my brain sees that the reason behind forgiveness is achieving peace of mind.
Every single person I know has fought battles, and none of them are even remotely similar. Each person has their own way of dealing with pain and recovering by forgiving the other person, whether its your father, your friend or just a stranger on the street. Keeping that pain locked up inside you isn’t necessary; so let it go and be free of your pain.
Life starts when you forgive.
Written by Irveen Kaur, Graduate of UTS Communications & writer.